I tried to walk towards the train station with my head held high like this was something I do everyday, this whole head-into-the-city-for-work thing. People seemed so rushed. Like the world might end if they slowed down just a bit. One step slower and things would fall apart. I moved quickly with them, my subtle way of trying to fit in. I sat on the train with my book. My tummy growled, half hunger and half nerves. I forgot my earphones. And my pen. And gum. So I read all the way to Union Station instead. I applied my lip gloss over and over again. Before stepping off the train into the sea of silent commuters off to work, I took a deep breath. Today was a new day.
Yet, panic slowly came over me as I realized how terrible I am with directions when thrown into a new situation, or an unfamiliar place. I suddenly wasn't sure where to find the subway or what direction I should be going in. I let the crowd guide me, and stuck with the pack, hoping I'd go the right way. I jumped on the first subway I saw. And instantly knew I was on the wrong one. I switched lines. Got back on track. With 20 minutes to spare. I got off the subway in the right spot and let it all soak in. The faces passing me by from every single direction. God, what a crazy world we live in. I tried to picture where each face was going, what they're thinking, how they're feeling. What makes each person different from the next? Everything was so silent in my head. And for a second I stood still in the middle of the 8:30 am rush hour conjestion that defines so many people's lives. Everything moved around me. I love when that happens.
I slid on my shades and stepped outside. An easy way to make me feel more confident than I really am. And I walked with my head held high in the direction I knew was absolutely the right way. I started to get a little shaky, afraid I could maybe ruin something that in my mind was still so fresh, new and pristine. Like when you're little and you get one piece of paper to draw a picture on. Better not mess it up because you may not get another piece. The doors to 111 Queen Street swung open so easily as if they were expecting my arrival. I rushed to the washroom. And I saw myself in the mirror. My hair was a mess. Maybe my outfit wasn't as cute as I thought. But I told myself to breathe. Because I was here for a reason. I made a choice to make a journey for myself. And this was just the beginning. "So be great, Rhi," and with that my day started. Today.