Couples Counselling 101 {Married Life}

Happy Memorial Day my sweet blogettes! Hopefully everyone had a lovely long weekend of rest and relaxation and are feeling rested for a new week ahead. Andrew and I started a new little team building exercise with one another last night and I wanted to share it with you all today. Lately I'm finding that running the blog, catering to my clients (which is my first priority) and taking some time alone for just myself is leaving little room for husband or for 'us' time. And I told myself prior to getting married that I would never ever let anything get in the way of maintaining a solid and meaningful marriage. So yesterday I suggested to Apb, that we hold our own sort of couples counselling every Sunday night in an effort to strengthen our relationship. Below is what we're doing and I have to admit, I am so totally in love with this new little routine in our lives.


On Sunday night Andrew and I both sit down and have to offer up a personal resolution or goal to reach or maintain for the upcoming week. It can be as lofty or as small as possible, but the point is to strive for something that is important on a personal level as opposed to something that may benefit our relationship together. For example, I could say "This week my resolution is to skip any pasta dinners," (a toughie for me) or "This week I want to have my laptop shut down by 5:00 pm everyday unless an emergency should arise" (yet again another toughie for me). Andrew may set a professional goal relating to work or a goal to keep his closest more organized but the point is to keep things tailored to yourself and relevant to life as your own person.

Then we both come up with a goal that caters to both of us as a couple. This could be "This week we will eat breakfast together every morning." Or "For the next seven days I will take out all of the trash without you asking," but the goal is meant to benefit us as husband and wife. Once we both share our suggested goal we mutually decide which one we like better and figure out if our goals can somehow be combined (i.e. my goal of Andrew watching less TV at night and his goal of me on my computer less could mean a couple's goal of less technology after 8:00 pm). We date and write our goals down in a little notebook so that next week when we regroup we can discuss how we think we did. Below I've listed our goals for this week (we started small)

Rhi - To drink a minimum of 2 to 3 full bottles of water per day (to reduce my daily terrible headaches)
Andy - To work out a minimum of three times this week (since we have snazzy new gym memberships)
Couple's Goal - To go out for sushi and see the Hangover 2 on Tuesday with no excuses or reschedules!

What do you think guys? Is this something you think you chicks think you could do with your significant others? Do you think mini resolutions set on a weekly basis are easier to follow than something set long term? I'd love to hear what you think!

32 Lovely Comments:

Shana said...

I think this is my favourite of all of your posts ( I realize I say this often but this one really gets me!). Thank you for being so candid with your relationship :)

I love the idea of making a goal for the week both on your own and as a couple. I think it is so easy to slip into a routine and just exist together. I think I am going to read this to my David when he gets home tonight and suggest that we follow in your footsteps!

Jessica [Shimmer+Silk] said...

SUCH a wonderful idea! It's so great to see couples making a dedicated effort to strengthen and maintain their relationships :) I want to start doing this with my fiance as well!

Brooke said...

You always amaze me. Once again a fantastic post, I think this is really a great idea. I like that you guys not only focus on each other as a couple but on yourself. I have a feeling this will be needed with Mr. Charming and I in the future and I can't wait to see how it works for you guys :D

re:find Joy said...

Rhi, I love this idea! I think it is a lovely way to stay on track as a couple, while still maintaining your goals as individuals. Such a nice way not to take life for granted. I think I might have to offer this idea to my man!

Love this, love your blog...keep the goodies coming!

Pinkalicious Mommy said...

Great idea! Glen and I just sat down the other night and and did something sort of similar. It really brings you closer! Good job girlfriend!

Ashley said...

Rhi I love this "couple's counseling" idea! Just yesterday my husband and I were talking about marriage and how it's not something that just works itself out effortlessly. We, husband and wife, need to put in effort daily... it's like maintaining a car to keep it running longer, but way more valuable than any car! (:

I think having goals that husband and wife can work towards together would definitely help strengthen a marriage. Can't wait to hear about how this works for you two!

cindy* said...

this is so great rhi! sean and I do something simliar, and admittedly less structured, but the important thing is the constant communication! we are always discussing our goals for ourselves, each other, and as a couple...it keeps us on the same page :)

Megan said...

I think this is such a great idea, Rhi!! It's easy to get overwhelmed with work and life...and then we just want to relax and watch tv/blog/etc. So perfect to plan goals for the week!

Emma said...

That's a great idea Rhi - we should totally do this (and we're not married yet!) At the moment we are meeting every few weeks with our minister who will marry us, and is a personal family friend anyway, and discussing our relationship and marriage. It is so interesting and things come up that I hadn't even realised were a big deal/relevent, I totally look forward to our next sessions! I'm actually going to be sad when we actually get married and don't have these meet ups anymore, so maybe we'll do our own like you and Andrew :)

Tiffany @ Savor Home said...

This is a fabulous idea!! Im not married, but I will certainly remember this idea when Mr. Right shows up!! I will also share this with my parents and married friends!

Liesl @ FabulousFashions4SensibleStyle said...

Rhiannon! This is such a fantastic idea...I love it!!! I have already taken notes on it because once I am married, or even before, I want to start doing this!

One thing my fiance and I had started after getting engaged was that before bed each night we shared something new with each other about ourselves or wants, etc. and it was always one of my favorite parts of the day! :)

Hope you had a lovely Memorial Day!

Liesl :)

It's A Love Story said...

I love this idea! I want to use this when Im married. I helps set a focus for the week I love at!

clearlytangled said...

this is a really good idea, rhi. thanks for sharing.

Nicole said...

I really, really love this idea. Such a practical way to improve yourself and your relationship every week.

Abby said...

what a wonderful idea! I wonder if i could get my husband to do this with me.

Holly said...

I am in love with this idea! I'm not married yet, but I am moving to the same town that my boyfriend lives in this week! (no more long distance relationship for us!!) I think something like this would work great for us while we settle into a schedule of seeing each other every day/every other day - rather than once every two weeks!

withoutadornment said...

I think this is such a good idea - kudos to both of you for doing it! I know I sometimes find it difficult to keep up with each other, especially after a hectic week, so thanks for the reminder to continue to make this a priority! :)

LAA said...

Such a great idea! Sounds like a wonderful way to keep each other accountable and grow closer at the same time.

Anonymous said...

I think its a great idea! My fiance and I did something similar in the summer. We basically made it a goal to set aside one full day or evening that was just for us. We didn't specify specific goals, but I found I always had something to look forward to - and I nagged him less about work bc I always knew he would designate a full day for me so him working 5 or 6 days a week didn't bother me as much.
HOWEVER I much prefer your idea. Simply bc he has much difficuly trying to be creative with what we can do together... and sometimes that ended in an argument. lol

Set mini goals each week - I LOVE IT!!!

Jenna Lee said...

I think this is a great idea. Little strides to make things more about the relationship and less about the world around you. I have heard of people trying to not complain about anything fro a week and that seems to help. When you dont harp on the negative it doesn't consume you! I may be stealing you ideas! Love it!

Thank you for your sweet blog visit! Hope you had a nice weekend.

courtney {designology} said...

This is such a great idea. I'm definitely going to suggest this to my FH.

Alexandra said...

This is such a great idea, Rhi!!

Natasha said...

loving these mini resolutions!!!! such a great way to do smaller things that equal big results ;)

Char said...

I think that is a great idea and such a great way to stay close to your guy/gal! What a neat idea.

Shawna said...

So simple yet so important. Good job!

Kirby said...

you two are on a roll! I was actually thinking about doing something like this but with our finances. meeting every week to go over exactly what we bought when we bought it. to give us an acurate idea of where our money is going and how we can do things differently in order to save more or to pay of any debt, save for a vacation, etc... I can't wait to hear about your progress with this!

Alicia@CharityWedding said...

This is a fabulous idea and I'd absolutely be game to try it. I just heard on TV this morning that a majority of marriages in this country are semi-happy. Meaning they aren't miserable but they aren't great either. I want a great marriage, not a semi great one. This is a fabulous way to help that process!

la petite coquine said...

I think this is a wonderful idea, and I'm delighted to say that John and I accidentally do this all the time! We stroll to the grocery store or local co-op and talk about our goals, particularly our musical ones, together and apart. It encourages us to collaborate on our music, and I don't think anything else tests or strengthens a relationship than making music together!

Jenna said...

sounds like a great plan. Just remember to never let your work come before your marriage. You'll kick yourself down the road if you do. I know it's hard, but your clients should not be your 1st and top priority, your hubby should be. But you know this already. It takes work, for sure. I think the goal setting is a great step in the right direction!

Blicious said...

i love this!!! my Fiance and I do something similar but it's not planned. we constantly make goals for the new week ahead and make an US night happen.:)

xoxo
b

Kelly Hicks said...

what a great idea Rhi! Love your goals. Will have to try this one myself!

Amber B said...

I am so behind on my blog reading, but just saw this and what a great idea! We have two young kiddos and that really dramatically cuts into time you have left over for anything. I may just suggest we incorporate something similar into our routine!