Why Styled Shoots Won't Ever Fade Away

I find that one of the tough parts of having a blog and a business that work hand in hand is trying to justify your own way of doing things. One person may tweet this and one may blog that and all of a sudden you might stop in your tracks only to find yourself reevaluating your goals, your plan of action, your way of making things work for you. I know that as much as I believe whole heartedly in myself, as a newcomer to the industry I often find myself overwhelmed with the amount of learning I have yet to do. However there is one thing I am sure of.

One stat that has emerged from engage11 and really has me feeling slightly defeated is that "brides are not embracing styled shoots." (I do realize this is a convention for luxury brides which is a clientele I am not trying to reach out to). As someone who was once up to her eyeballs in endless amounts of 'inspirational' wedding photos during my engagement, I can see both sides of this discussion. For brides with tight budgets and limited resources it's defeating to see perfectly styled shoots knowing you'll never be able to create something as structured. And I totally get that a real wedding where a ceremony takes place and a union is made, where there's an actual guest list and a meal being served is extremely different logistically than say a styled shoot organized by a planner/florist/designer/photographer. I agree that no wedding vendor should ever advertise to potential clients that these shoots are in fact real weddings. Because well, they're not.

However. And this is a big however. When you go into business as a wedding stylist and coordinator or start a business venture with goals of styling events (i.e. designing the aesthetics of a wedding and making your design concept come to life on the big day), and you have yet to build a portfolio, have zero proof of your talents, haven't had the opportunity to showcase your abilities, or even worse, have actually booked clients but they haven't given you full reign to style their event to reflect your talents - then where is an aspiring wedding stylist to turn to? What about wedding stylists and coordinators who are trying to set forth new trends, trying to freshen up their portfolio, trying to work with new talent in the industry? What are they suppose to do? When I officially started Hey Gorgeous Events just eight months ago I had only my wedding photos for my portfolio. Which is great. But I knew I'd need something more to add to my portfolio to speak to brides.

Inspiration shoots are a lot of work. But speaking from a stylist's point of view, they are in my opinion one of the best ways to showcase the talents of various vendors and hands down, until you can lock in brides who trust your vision entirely, one of the only ways to have complete control over the creativity that goes into creating wedding-type portfolio images. And while there's no guests eating and drinking and celebrating at a styled shoot, there are still time constraints, unpredictable weather conditions, vendors who cancel last minute, scheduling conflicts, flowers, invitations, cake, decor, a venue, a photographer, a model, a gown, accessories, favors, a videographer involved (and the list goes on and on) that are just as real as they would be at a 'real wedding.' And that is why I 100% believe in styled shoots. And will continue to do them.

The stylist in me doesn't spend months preparing for inspiration shoots and collaborating with 12 plus vendors with the mindset that my efforts are strictly for potential clients. Instead I create these opportunities for myself, and for the others who instill their faith in me to organize such endeavors, because I enjoy doing so. That and it's an amazing networking opportunity for all involved AND most importantly, these shoots allow us the freedom to showcase our work, talents and abilities. Which in turn ends up being both a benefit for us and a benefit for potential clients or brides who will forever as long as the industry exists, be on the look out for new inspiration. A win win for all.

I'd love to hear from both brides to be and stylists below! Please play nice.
Above photo by Beth Kaye, from my first inspiration shoot. That helped launch my business.

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FAQ Friday; MOH Duties and Bridal Showers

The problem, sent via one of my dear readers: "What do you do when you're the maid of honor (for your little sister's wedding, nonetheless) and find out that the shower you are throwing is the only shower the bride and groom get and your little old budget can't support her huge guest list? I am having that issue right now. I wanted to throw my sister and her fiance a co-ed shower in a backyard with games, beer, grilling, etc for our friends. But come to find out no one else is throwing her one, so now it's every immediate family member and friend within driving distance. I can't afford it. Eeek!" Photo via here.

This is tricky now that I think about it. Because anything involving family, money (and not having enough of it) is sort of a touchy subject. Then throw in anything relating to your little sister's wedding and you have a situation you'll most likely want to tread lightly on. That stated, there are surely ways to throw a memorable shower in your sister's honour without breaking the bank and most importantly, while still staying classy and keeping guests happy. Read more below for my take on the situation!

{Suggest a Potluck} A potluck? For a bridal shower? I know what you're thinking, really Rhi how tacky are you. But hold up people! Some of the best parties I've ever been to have been potlucks. Because first and foremost, there is always an abundance of food in endless variations; it's like the best buffet you could ever eat at. And secondly when people are invited to a potluck they always whip up their favourite and most delicious dishes. Which means guaranteed - and free! - yumminess. Plus, if you're shooting for a coed backyard barbecue I really couldn't imagine anything better than a potluck; men could bring the meat, chips, condiments and beer and the girls could bring the salads, desserts, fruit platter and drinks. Send me an invite too please.

{Talk to Your Sister} Communication, as I've reiterated over here many times, is the key to having anything run smoothly. So talk to your sis. I'm not saying to sit her down and tell her there's no way you can afford the bridal shower of her dreams because sometimes the brutal truth really isn't needed. But instead let her know that with a little clever planning you're hoping to make her day really special. Ask her what elements of a bridal shower are most important to her and her fiance so you can make sure your efforts and the little money you do have to contribute is spent on things that she will most appreciate and love. Great games? Killer snacks? A signature drink? Festive decorations? Instead of spreading yourself thin in every single area focus in your efforts on a few different elements to make both guests feel comfortable and your sister and her fiance, happy.

{Ask For Help} Just because you're the Maid of Honour doesn't mean everyone else is exempt from lending a hand. Check in with family members, parents of the bride and groom, the other bridesmaids, kind and generous friends; everyone and anyone who may be able to contribute to making the day a success. When it comes to weddings most people are more than often willing to help out where needed even if means donating a chunk of change or a few hours of their time to organize, cook, grill, set up, entertain or tear down. And remember, regardless of if the shower ends up being a backyard potluck sans flower arrangements, a rocking DJ and a bartender, your sis and soon to be brother in law will appreciate your support and love.

Thoughts, friends?

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Pep Talk Tuesday {Merging Your Finances}

I have a slight disclaimer before I dive into this post. I'm not really the most frugal person and I have rather expensive taste (or as I like to say, I enjoy things that happen to ironically be expensive). I'm not the greatest with saving money and thankfully have a husband who can often talk me out of buying things or making unnecessary purchases should I be about to make an irrational choice. However, regardless of the dollas in my bank account I do have some strong feelings on whether or not married couples should share their finances. Like we've made pretty obvious on this blog, money sucks and it's awkward and sticky and uncomfortable so here we go.

My somewhat traditional husband always told me before we were married that we would be joining forces (aka joining funds) once we were married. Which to him meant me dumping my money and he dumping his into the same lone piggy bank and should either one of us need something, we would both understand that the money would come straight out of said piggy bank. The independent-stubborn (what a combo huh? Apb you are a brave man) woman in me thought husband to be was crazy. There was no way in h e double hockey sticks that this girl would be sharing her money, of all things! with someone who surely had enough of his own. Especially when there always seems to be a shortage of it in my own life. But that sounds mean when I word it that way. So lemme break it down.

{Listen To Your Mom} My mom, and my sweet late Nan, used to always tell me the same thing when it came to cash. "You save this little bit o' money so when you need it it's there. And no one has to know about it so shush!" I used to feel sneaky when they'd slip a twenty into my palm or leave me a bit of cash under the lamp base in my childhood bedroom. Except now I feel so grateful for this itty bitty piece of advice or rather this lesson in money because heaven forbid husband suddenly didn't exist where would I be and who would I then need to depend on for financial support? This is all sort of a metaphor for a point I am trying to make which is having your own money, whether it be a couple hundred or thousands, is beneficial for you and you only. And is crucial to helping you maintain a sense of independence, importance, self worth and happiness. Nan, Mom you ladies were both right. So very very right.

{This is 2011} And this is totally my crazy thinking but I like to think these days that men and women share responsibilities in a household and a relationship so why should finances (when applicable and where possible, not always do both parties work or rather, make equal salaries/money) be any different? Meaning if chores in your home are divided up why not divvy up bill payments? Or grocery bills? Or those nights out for dinner and a movie? Or even better, one person can handle the finances and another can make sure the house is clean, the meals are ready, the laundry done, etc. Sometimes we look at things in our home like husband buys the next home item purchase like the new dining room table and I'll buy the next dinner out. The dining room table surely cost more than the dinner night out, but it's not about keeping track dollar for dollar. It's about contributing as best you can and realizing that one day the tables may be turned and you may be the one making the bigger purchase. That right there friends is called a thriving relationship.

{Sharing is Caring} Or in most cases necessary to a strong relationship. Which is why I highly suggest that every relationship have at least three account: his, hers and a joint. Without telling you what should be done because I'm not saying my way is the only way to do things, here's what should go in each: in his, his money obviously, in hers, her money of course and in the joint, a sum that is TBD by the couple. Perhaps x amount of each paycheck go into the account. Perhaps the account stays stagnant except for once a month both parties deposit a determined amount into the account. Joint account can be used for things like vacations together, home repairs, groceries, gifts for family holidays, gas and so forth. The reason for the separation? I know that if I were to swipe a new shoe purchase using a card from the joint account, I'd feel sleazy and like I was being unfair to husband. Likewise if he were to use money from the joint account for a day out of beers and golfing with the guys, I'd be a little disappointed. Which is why personal accounts are a benefit. 

Thoughts? Are you for splitting up accounts or do you only use one shared account between you and your significant other?

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Pep Talk Tuesday {When Money Falls Through}

Happy Tuesday blogettes! I have a little treat for you today. Last week when I made my call for help, a reader of mine (an incredibly sweet reader of mine), sent me this little dilemma and it was too good not to share with you guys. Here's the little rut she's in:

"The backstory: we got engaged, a few weeks later my mom tells me she has saved x amount of dollars aside for my wedding. I've been on my own since 18. Paid for anything and everything for myself since then. We were definitely not expecting this gesture and were so thrilled! So I began planning with my x amount budget. Now, 2 months before the wedding, my mom lost her job. And as it turns out, the dollar amount that I was told was mine is not actually tangibly there. It was just what my mom thought she could give over the next 6 months. I am so torn. The money is not there and I am not prepared to front it all myself. I want to be a little angry, but then I feel like a spoiled brat. I'm sure other brides have had this problem. Money is always such a touchy subject, I mean I know what I would have done differently now. Asked more clarifying questions, ask for money upfront perhaps. I don't know, thoughts?"

You know what the crappiest part of wedding planning is? It's money. And I've said it before and I'll say it again but unless you have a money tree growing in your backyard, it's easy to let your budget, and the amount of money you can actually afford to spend, dictate what you can and can't have for your wedding. Wrap that up with the things you want (but may not necessarily be important) and throw in the saturated market of blogs, shows and magazines telling you what's pretty and trendy, and wedding planning can absolutely make you want to feel like a spoiled little brat, who is a little angry. And that's OK. Let it all out, be a little angry. But then you hafta move on.

Financially, if there are things you have paid hefty deposits on like a DJ, caterer or photographer, that you really can't or would regret backing out on, then those vendors should take precedence over other vendors like say a videographer, a baker, a florist or some other area that you could skimp on or make do without. Square away those payments, if possible, and if not talk with your vendors to see what can be done. Perhaps your contract can be revised, if the vendor is a friend maybe they'll be willing to offer their service as a gift or create a payment plan that you can manage post-wedding. Avoid using credit, do a lot of soul-searching and make what needs to happen, work. It might get messy and uncomfortable and require some clever maneuvering on your part but if having the wedding go on is important to you then the show must go on (regardless of your decision here, the good news is your marriage will still go on).

Emotionally, I would (and did admittedly) feel like a huge brat when I couldn't front half the junk I wanted to for our big day (I am still whining and struggling over our videographer fiasco, but more on that later). We seem to think we are entitled to our specific wants and desires so when we're not given them, we feel like we've been given the short end of the stick. It's like a "How dare you! This is my wedding day we're talking about," kind of feeling. We feel hurt and blindsided. Like the carpet's been pulled from underneath us. Wedding pros and mags throw out industry standard numbers on what's appropriate for a wedding and everything that makes em happen and we feel panicked when our own numbers don't measure up. And blogs! Wedding blogs. My own blog. Imagine walking into Coach trying to buy a bag with 20 bucks? That's how wedding planning felt to me. Talk about knocking the wind out of your sails.

Two months before the wedding, for your Mom to lose her job when she told you she would be contributing x amount of money; that sucks. But, and here's the big but, you and your fiance will make it work. You and your family will come together and persevere through these final eight weeks to make your wedding day happen. It might not be exactly what you had envisioned in your mind but it's still going to be magical, meaningful and essentially everything a wedding day is really supposed to be. Spend money on things that you care about, don't be afraid to say "no" and be OK with the decision to not have _____ {insert wedding item of choice here} at your wedding. I promise guests will be OK with an iPod belting out music during the reception. And even more comforting should be the fact that, guests won't mind if you're not the DIY goddess every bride and groom seem to be these days. But probably the best advice I can give you is to remember how priceless this experience will be for you and your fiance as you start the rest of your lives together.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Now one important thing that I wanted to add to avoid getting in the above predicament is to be more prepared on the whole money subject from the get-go (and this is one thing the bride-to-be above and I discussed initially after I wrote this post). Sitting down with your parents, your fiances parents or whoever else may be contributing financially to the big day is something that should be done during the beginning stages of your planning process so boundaries and expectations can be set and let downs and surprises can be avoided. If x amount of money is to be given or offered for you to use, hashing out how and when that money will be provided gives you a foundation to make better calculated choices (cash, cheque, money order, direct deposit, paid directly to vendors, all up front, in chunks as needed, the month of the wedding, etc). Keeping the lines of communication open with whoever may be assisting or contributing towards the bill part of the wedding will keep your expectations and happiness in check leading up to and on the big day. 

Alright chicks, let's hear it. Help a girl out!

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Pep Talk Tuesday {Removing Someone from your Wedding Party}

I think I may be speaking from experience, but planning a wedding can certainly bring out the best and worst in people. Get ready for this rather shattering revelation too people; planning your big day can make you wanna kick someones butt all the way out of your bridal party brigade. For the sake of making this post too complicated to follow, below I've referenced bridesmaids as opposed to groomsmen, however I want to make it clear that I think making adjustments to your wedding day team is often a necessary and totally acceptable thing to do when you're it comes to the utmost happiness on your wedding day (without going all bridezilla on everyone, of course). Here are a few of my painless tips for carefully asking someone to step down from their bridal duties and obligations. P.S. I am seriously loving these oversized bouquets and this photo snapped by Dave Getzschman of Ben Chrisman Photography.

{Soul Search} Try to pin point the reason you're removing the person (or wanting to remove them) in the first place. If it's your childhood best friend who couldn't make it to your sixth dress fitting because she was studying for her bar exam and you swear you wont ever.forgive.her.no.matter.what. then perhaps you need to reassess your feelings and take a step back to see how sensitive - and ridiculous - you're being. Sure, it's your wedding day and your feelings matter, but everyone else has a life of their own too. On the other hand, if the person in question is someone you've included in your party simply because you felt pressured or obligated to do so and now that the wedding is close you're realizing your mistake, then it's probably a safe choice to proceed with getting her the heck out. Make sure your reasoning behind your actions is somewhat justified so that come six months after the wedding you don't feel foolish or regretful but instead confident and satisfied with your well-thought out decision. A classy bride to be in always in style.

{Compromise} Sometimes completely revoking someone of their bridal duties, may be a recipe for disaster and thus you're forced to really get creative and make the best of the situation. Be willing to make a compromise with whoever it is that is not accepting of your decision to remove said person, whether it be said person herself, said person's brother, said person's mother (who could very well be your own Mom too), or the other members of your bridal party. There are numerous clever ways to include people in your wedding celebration without officially calling them a bridesmaid or having them walk down the aisle before you too, from ceremony readings, usher duties, a toast or speech and the list goes on. You may even get lucky and lift a huge weight off said person's shoulders by suggesting an alternative role. The good news? All this compromising is stellar practice for your approaching marriage. Score.

{Trust Your Gut} I cannot stress this little three word statement enough. It something does not feel right at any point throughout your engagement, chances are, it's not. The same holds true for your wedding party. If deep down inside your soon-to-be-married heart you feel as if your high school bestie really isn't meant to be your maid of honour but instead your new work supervisor who you haven't even know for a year better fits the job, then act on instinct. Just because your third cousin asked you to be a part of her big day doesn't mean in any way that your suppose to return the favour. If you'd rather have your best guy friend stand up beside you or instead you'd like to forgo the entire bridal party all together and fly solo with your groom, well these are all completely reasonable possibilities. No one except you, knows what you want and understands what will make you feel only positive and fulfilled feelings on your day as a bride. Close your eyes and picture yourself on your wedding day surrounded by only those who support you, love you and respect you as a person and a friend. And the people that come to mind are the ones that'll make the cut.

How about you? Did anyone have the tough task of removing a specific someone from your wedding party?

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Pep Talk Tuesday {The Average Wedding Budget}

I'm sure someone out there is going to tsk tsk or frown upon what I'm about to share, but our wedding, the one you all saw here, cost us $27,000 give or take a few thousand. Twenty-seven thousand big ones, my friends, $10,000 of which was generously given to us by my parents and $5,000 which was given to us by Andrews. The rest was funded by us. While we never really had a budget set from the get go we simply decided along the way if select items were necessary, important or doable for us. If we couldn't make something work within reason then we moved on and learned to live without that specific something, done and done, end of story. And in the end we made $27,000 work for us. How do ya like them apples, blogettes? It's not a number I am ashamed of and it's not a number I am proud of but instead is merely a number that represents what we spent on everything that made our wedding what it was. For those inquisitive readers out there who are a little nosy (I'm nosy too, it's cool) fifteen thousand went towards our venue, ceremony, food, alcohol, cocktail hour, and linens costs. The rest, including our honeymoon fell within the $12,000 remaining. If anyone is interested in any specific breakdowns of how much I spent on decor, DIY projects, photography, my dress or whatever, then send me an e-mail. I have no problem disclosing the totals on everything else. 

The point of my post today, is I wanted to generate a discussion on what the average wedding budget really is and what it truly means (not that I believe one specific average wedding budget exists because it doesn't). There are so many magic numbers that float around out there as being industry standards for quality product and services and while it's my job as a wedding stylist and coordinator to be aware of these prices so I can educate my clients I can't help be feel like there's a huge gray area when it comes to the cost of throwing a wedding. Some penny-pinching couples (I adore you guys, you amaze me with your frugalness and attention to detail) think $5,000 is an appropriate average wedding budget. Some couples think $100,000 is a fair amount to fork over for their big day. Maybe that's just a number they've picked off the top of their head, maybe it's what they can afford or what they've been given by their parents or maybe it's the 'average cost' among their social circle and community. And some couples, perhaps in smaller cities may think $15,000 or $40,000 or whatever the number is is more along the lines of an average cost. And much like how unique each and every wedding is, the budget for each and every wedding is completely rare in it's own form.

I saw this once on A Practical Wedding and thought it was a fitting idea for today's Pep Talk so I am encouraging everyone, married or not, to leave an anonymous comment below with the cold hard facts of how much you spent or plan to spend on your wedding day. You can leave one total or a combination of totals that culminated to your grand total but please be respectful of others and refrain from bragging about how you saved money/had money to work with/spent almost less than half of the commentor above you. I for one, always had a greenish-hued cloud of dolla bills hanging over my head during my 2.5 years of engaged bliss and know that hearing from others would have made me feel a bit better about my choice to spend or not spend x amount of money in one direction or another. Money is a touchy subject and people are often quick to judge others based on their spending and saving decisions so I can only hope the post will allow you and I to have a new outlook an what that pain in the ass of an average wedding budget really is and what it really means, big budget or not. The whole wedding cost discussion is a little taboo and I want to change that because wedding costs are as real as the pretty pink roses in your bouquet. Ready, set, go! Above photo by Amanda Wilcher Photography.

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Pep Talk Tuesday {Changing Your Name}

Confession. I never changed my name when Andrew and I got married. It's not that I forgot to or just didn't have the time to make it down to the whatever office it is you go to to do it, but I consciously made the decision not to change my name for a bunch of various reasons. And while my decision has been frowned upon by some and misunderstood by others, I am glad I have finally found the courage to talk about my thoughts and feelings on the ever so controversial tradition. Because all my life - even when I was a little girl and I used to add celebrities last names to my own first name only to frown in disapproval because it didn't feel right - I've known that changing my last name hasn't been the right decision for me. And here I am almost six months after I've declared my love and made a commitment to a man I love more than words, and to be perfectly honest, I am content with the choice I made; not to be confused with how I feel about how the choice I made affects Andrew; because that's a whole other story.

While a younger version of myself would have thought that taking a man's last name is a romantic and selfless gesture (alright I'll be honest, I still kind of feel this way), I've come to realize that either you change your last name or you don't and depending on your decision, society has a pretty stereotyped picture painted of the kind of woman you are. That alone, has made me so seething with anger I've wanted to pull a Madonna and legally go by Rhi. No Rhi Middle Last. No Rhi Middle Maiden Hislast. Just Rhi. This way I won't be a feminist loving too proud for her own good wife who refused to change her name but I will also avoid being the woman I fear the most, the one who feels like she has no choice in a matter regarding her own name and essentially her identity.

{My Story} Let's me tell you, my situation is a bit of a toughie. I was born Rhiannon Nicole Banda and that is my legal name. My parents were married when I was four years old and socially, slapped on my Dad's last name to the Banda thus making me Rhiannon Nicole Banda Hyphen Dadslast. To try to get people to spell, pronounce and understand the first name Rhiannon when you're shy and 5 five years old is one thing. But trying to get people to understand you 'really do have two last names, and one is kind of weird and although it says I'm registered as Rhiannon Banda there really is another last name on there!' well it gets sort of old and for a few years I actually took it upon myself to do a little name swap of my own. I became Rhiannon Scott for a short period of time. I'd come home with artwork proudly displaying Rhiannon Scott. And my Mom would politely remind me that that wasn't my name. 

During high school and college, the whole name thing proved to be a problem when it came to gymnastics meets, getting a license, registering for anything and everything, creating passwords and accounts, travelling and so many other things we do in life that require an established title and identity. I was starting to realize my parents made one big faux paus; they never legalized the Banda-Scott combination. For my entire life I'd gone with the Banda-Scott. But in reality I was really only a Banda. Credit card companies wouldn't let me get a card with both names. But specific stores, the registrars office at school and so forth wouldn't let me use my card if the name on the card didn't match the name on file. My passport often didn't match the name my flights would be registered under. Sometimes people would assume my first name was Banda and last name was Scott. It was tiresome and humiliating. I used to think getting married would solve all of my problems. I'd become Rhiannon Nicole Finally-an-end-to-the-name-game. And life would be smooth sailing from there forward.

Yet the wedding came and went. and I am now sitting here unable to even change my name on facebook to my husbands last name. I could easily add his last name to my legal Banda which would make for a sort of fun to say Banda-Bosse (Apb's last name reads as "Bossy"). I could move my social name, the Banda-Scott, to my middle name (drop the Nicole) and take his last name. But I just don't want to and the connotations that come with my wants makes me upset. Why do I have to give up who I have been and who I believe to be as a reflection of my name because I have promised to love someone for the rest of my life? Could Andrew take my name or could we combine the two and both have the exact same last name? Why is it so frowned upon when woman like me just decide to keep things as is? I love my name and am proud of it and want to keep it as it's been my entire life.

Sometimes we get cards and they say to the Mr and Mrs Andrew Bosse. The romantic proud to be married to an awesome man side of me sort of lights up inside and remembers how good it feels to be a dotting, cutey patootie wifey poo. But the other side of me, the freelance journalist and author who has things published under her Rhiannon Banda-Scott,  the RBSBosse makes me feel like I am not in fact Andrew's wife but instead his property and some sort of counterpart to his identity. As in he is Andrew Bosse and I am the Andrew Bosse with boobs. And while I am aware that's so far from the truth, I can't help but feel like I'm giving up something I love and feel a sense of pride about, when he gets to still keep what he has used to represent himself and his accomplishments with for the last 28 years.

I love my husband more than I can write in any blog post. Should we ever have kids, I will gladly have them take their fathers name. And I have absolutely nothing against woman who choose to take their husbands name; I actually feel a twinge of guilt when I see all my friends new last names because it makes me feel sneaky and selfish and snooty for not changing mine too. I applaud women who change their name without hesitation it's just that the decision for me to do so, wasn't the right one. And I say wasn't rather than isn't because perhaps in a few months, or a few years I will feel differently and decide to make the change after all. But for now, here's a few things to consider if you too, want to burst into the tears at the thought of changing your name. 

{Talk It Out} And if talking means crying, and getting nervous and maybe raising your voice a little bit, then that's OK too. But really try to get to the root of your feelings if changing your name isn't sounding so peachy. There's a reason you feel the way you do and if you cannot articulate this to your partner (I am going to assume this from a females perspective) there's no way he's going to be able to understand your feelings of confusion/sadness/frustration/ and so forth. Perhaps there's some sort of solution the both of you can agree on if only you just discuss your feelings.

{Take Your Time} Just because you're going to be a wife in a few months, doesn't mean you have to change your name anytime before then. Actually, the last thing you should be stressed out about in the time leading up to your big day is the whole name dilemma. Weddings and everything that surrounds them are stressful and full of all sorts of emotion. Wait until a few weeks after the celebration to figure out what you want to do, once your emotions have had a chance to settle down.

{Be a Big Girl} When it comes to your name and deciding on what it should be for the rest of your life, do what you want. Not what your husband (or wife) wants, not want your parents want, not what the latest wedding magazine is telling you to do and definitely not what your mother-in-law wants. Do what feels right and best to you because it's you that has to live with your name, new or not, for the rest of your life. And if you make the wrong decision somewhere along the line that's cool too. Although complicated procedures, name changes are always possible. And just remember no matter what your stance is on the issue, you have a choice to decide what you want, where as some women before has had no options. Thank heavens for that.

What are your thoughts on a woman taking her husbands name?

Please, if you are going to leave a comment make sure it's nice. While I love hearing your thoughts and encourage healthy and helpful discussion, negative feedback and personal attacks on either myself or other bloggers isn't welcome here and I reserve the right to remove content I feel is negative or mean. Amen to that!

Update: I contemplated taking this post down simply because of my own personally driven feelings of inadequacy, but it's important to know my husband supports my decision to keep my own name and this has not been a topic of sore discussion between the two of us. We are very much in love as the next couple who has the same last name and do not see my decision as a way to hinder the process of him and I 'becming a family.' After a tearful phone conversation this morning while he was at work he immediately send me a text telling me not to remove my post and thoughts as it shows personality and character. He ended with a "Don't feel bad for your choices, let them empower you." His message is proof that no one else's opinions, thoughts, feelings or whatever should pressure you or make you feel a specific way because ultimately you and your spouses/partners happiness is the first priority. And we are just that.

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