FAQ Friday; When You Don't Feel "Married"

Last month I posted a little cry for help in the FAQ department and I was overly thrilled with the response I got back from you guys. It's official that one of the things I love most about my little blog here is how many of you feel the same as I do about the endless situations I write about. It's nice not to feel so alone sometimes. But anyway here is a little dilemma I received from a reader that I think I totally love. She got married in February and says she doesn't feel "married." She doesn't feel like she's a part of her husband's family and she doesn't feel like a wife. She gets that these types of things are going to feel different to different people but perhaps myself and all of you guys can help her with her newly-wedded woe, no? I think so. Let's do this!

This little problemo first of all, reminds me of the post I did here on what it really means to be a wife. You guys seriously loved that post and I myself, still scroll through and read all of your thoughtful comments (like I said, the more people rowing along in this little boat of mine, the better). In that post I explain how to me, becoming Apb's wife didn't mean my feelings, my role or my expectations changed; but instead the difference (and really the only different in my opinion) was that now, legally we were husband and wife. Should I feel different as we became husband and wife? Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is that at first it felt totally weird to become a wife but still have the same feelings and ultimately the same relationship with Andrew.

There are so many days I wake up now, nearly ten months after our wedding and I too, don't feel married. I think to myself "Whoa whoa whoa, you are married, girlfriend" and I know I am married, I love who I am married to, and I love that we share this union, journey and relationship together it's just that I don't feel it; or is that or this rather, what's it's suppose to feel like? I feel young, and hip and think it's so cool I get to have permasleepovers with this guy I love. I feel happy and I know I am happy. But then the title 'married' and 'husband' and 'wife' sort of slap me wide awake and I think to myself, "Well that's weird Rhi, that you don't feel married cause you are. And if you don't feel like marriage is different then girl, you are cah-razy!" 

You know how when you're young, you'd turn another year older and it never failed that one of your relatives would ask "How does it feel to be another year older?" I remember one year after my birthday party I laid in bed that night, totally bummed my birthday was over and I had to wait a.whole.other.year.till.the.next.partay, but thinking super hard about that question and how it really did feel, like physically, emotionally and mentally, to be nine years old versus only eight. And I got really frustrated super fast because I felt nothing, except too much birthday cake in my stomach. Ask me the same question now at age 25 and maybe I could tell you what it felt like to be eight then but you catch my drift. Hind sight is 20/20 isn't it?

So my thoughts are this; when you don't feel married is that normal? Do some of you out there feel married and if so can you explain what that means? Does feeling married become something you feel with time or is it something that select people feel and others don't? Do you brides to be out there have expectations that after your wedding you will feel something uniquely different? I (and one of my readers here!) would love to hear your thoughts. Photo by Amanda Wilcher.

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The Expert Files {All About Veils}

When I first started wedding planning, I was pretty adamant I wouldn't dare wear a veil on our wedding day. Yet the minute I placed one on my little head I was instantly smitten; and for a while contemplated buying the veil first, and then the dress second since I first found this stunner of a mantilla. Then I ended up buying a different veil a year before our wedding only to return it to buy a cathedral weeks before the big day, then last minute exchanged it for the lace-trimmed fingertip veil you've all seen in my photos. Sigh. It's official I love veils. And with that I am extremely excited to welcome the gorgeous (yeah that's her above, be jealous) and talented Tessa Kim to the blog to spill anything and everything veil-related. Read on for more, below!

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{Tell me about you and your business} I created my business when I was planning my own DIY 2009 August wedding to my lovely husband Choon. I really just fell into it though when I was looking for the perfect birdcage veil and fascinator and was not having any luck. I'm a crafty person so I started making a few different styles of veils and flowers fascinators which brought me to etsy since I had many more veils than I actually needed and I thought I would put them up for sale; just to see what would happen. They sold out the next day and from there I kept creating more and then slowly expanded the styles and options of my veils. I now carry a huge selection of birdcage veils, bridal veils, flower facinators, feather hair combs, head bands and dress sashes. All my headpieces and veils are hand dyed/painted and the headpieces are also hand cut/shaped with a vintage millinery iron. I also like to incorporate vintage millinery aspects to all of my pieces for a unique look.

{Should a bride pick her gown based off a veil or vice versa?} I think it depends on the individual bride. For myself, I knew I wanted to wear a birdcage veil no matter what so I made sure to find a dress that complimented that style. Although since there are so many types of veils and materials that can be used I believe you can always find a complimenting veil for any dress.

{Traditionally, what's the meaning behind a veil?} There are a few different meanings behind the classic bridal veil although it depends on who you ask. Some people believe that it was meant to represent the innocence of the bride, some believe that it is used to shield the beauty of the bride before the groom married her and others believe that it is bad luck for the groom to see the bride before exchanging vows. There are unlimited styles of veils like a birdcage, blusher, mantilla, flyaway and a traditional chapel, cathedral, fingertip, and elbow veil, that all offer different looks to compliment different gowns and weddings.

{What alternatives are there for brides who want a less traditional bridal look?} There are so many options for brides today who do not want to go the traditional route. A few of the choices would be a floral headpiece, a bridal hat, a tulle and veiling puff, a mini veil, a feather hair comb, a simple headband,  bridal hair pins, a simple rhinestone brooch comb, a decorative comb, even a decorative piece of lace. Right now I am in love with one of my newest floral headpieces "Grace." It's a double flower fascinator that is cream, blush and ivory in colour. It also has vintage millinery leaves from the 1940s which I just adore. 

{What trends are you predicting this summer and fall, and what do you believe will forever remain timeless?} I believe you will start to see a lot more colour being incorporated into bridal headpieces. I also believe the statement pieces will still be popular although complimented with smaller and more dainty hair combs. And it never goes out of style to be yourself and not always go with the trends. Make sure to be comfortable with the style of accessories you choose and truly love them :)

Thanks so much, Tessa for stopping by the blog! And all of you can check out Tessa's website and shop for more information, items and goodness. Top photos by Deyla Huss and product photos by Candice Benjamin.

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Why Styled Shoots Won't Ever Fade Away

I find that one of the tough parts of having a blog and a business that work hand in hand is trying to justify your own way of doing things. One person may tweet this and one may blog that and all of a sudden you might stop in your tracks only to find yourself reevaluating your goals, your plan of action, your way of making things work for you. I know that as much as I believe whole heartedly in myself, as a newcomer to the industry I often find myself overwhelmed with the amount of learning I have yet to do. However there is one thing I am sure of.

One stat that has emerged from engage11 and really has me feeling slightly defeated is that "brides are not embracing styled shoots." (I do realize this is a convention for luxury brides which is a clientele I am not trying to reach out to). As someone who was once up to her eyeballs in endless amounts of 'inspirational' wedding photos during my engagement, I can see both sides of this discussion. For brides with tight budgets and limited resources it's defeating to see perfectly styled shoots knowing you'll never be able to create something as structured. And I totally get that a real wedding where a ceremony takes place and a union is made, where there's an actual guest list and a meal being served is extremely different logistically than say a styled shoot organized by a planner/florist/designer/photographer. I agree that no wedding vendor should ever advertise to potential clients that these shoots are in fact real weddings. Because well, they're not.

However. And this is a big however. When you go into business as a wedding stylist and coordinator or start a business venture with goals of styling events (i.e. designing the aesthetics of a wedding and making your design concept come to life on the big day), and you have yet to build a portfolio, have zero proof of your talents, haven't had the opportunity to showcase your abilities, or even worse, have actually booked clients but they haven't given you full reign to style their event to reflect your talents - then where is an aspiring wedding stylist to turn to? What about wedding stylists and coordinators who are trying to set forth new trends, trying to freshen up their portfolio, trying to work with new talent in the industry? What are they suppose to do? When I officially started Hey Gorgeous Events just eight months ago I had only my wedding photos for my portfolio. Which is great. But I knew I'd need something more to add to my portfolio to speak to brides.

Inspiration shoots are a lot of work. But speaking from a stylist's point of view, they are in my opinion one of the best ways to showcase the talents of various vendors and hands down, until you can lock in brides who trust your vision entirely, one of the only ways to have complete control over the creativity that goes into creating wedding-type portfolio images. And while there's no guests eating and drinking and celebrating at a styled shoot, there are still time constraints, unpredictable weather conditions, vendors who cancel last minute, scheduling conflicts, flowers, invitations, cake, decor, a venue, a photographer, a model, a gown, accessories, favors, a videographer involved (and the list goes on and on) that are just as real as they would be at a 'real wedding.' And that is why I 100% believe in styled shoots. And will continue to do them.

The stylist in me doesn't spend months preparing for inspiration shoots and collaborating with 12 plus vendors with the mindset that my efforts are strictly for potential clients. Instead I create these opportunities for myself, and for the others who instill their faith in me to organize such endeavors, because I enjoy doing so. That and it's an amazing networking opportunity for all involved AND most importantly, these shoots allow us the freedom to showcase our work, talents and abilities. Which in turn ends up being both a benefit for us and a benefit for potential clients or brides who will forever as long as the industry exists, be on the look out for new inspiration. A win win for all.

I'd love to hear from both brides to be and stylists below! Please play nice.
Above photo by Beth Kaye, from my first inspiration shoot. That helped launch my business.

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Couples Counselling 101 {Married Life}

Happy Memorial Day my sweet blogettes! Hopefully everyone had a lovely long weekend of rest and relaxation and are feeling rested for a new week ahead. Andrew and I started a new little team building exercise with one another last night and I wanted to share it with you all today. Lately I'm finding that running the blog, catering to my clients (which is my first priority) and taking some time alone for just myself is leaving little room for husband or for 'us' time. And I told myself prior to getting married that I would never ever let anything get in the way of maintaining a solid and meaningful marriage. So yesterday I suggested to Apb, that we hold our own sort of couples counselling every Sunday night in an effort to strengthen our relationship. Below is what we're doing and I have to admit, I am so totally in love with this new little routine in our lives.

On Sunday night Andrew and I both sit down and have to offer up a personal resolution or goal to reach or maintain for the upcoming week. It can be as lofty or as small as possible, but the point is to strive for something that is important on a personal level as opposed to something that may benefit our relationship together. For example, I could say "This week my resolution is to skip any pasta dinners," (a toughie for me) or "This week I want to have my laptop shut down by 5:00 pm everyday unless an emergency should arise" (yet again another toughie for me). Andrew may set a professional goal relating to work or a goal to keep his closest more organized but the point is to keep things tailored to yourself and relevant to life as your own person.

Then we both come up with a goal that caters to both of us as a couple. This could be "This week we will eat breakfast together every morning." Or "For the next seven days I will take out all of the trash without you asking," but the goal is meant to benefit us as husband and wife. Once we both share our suggested goal we mutually decide which one we like better and figure out if our goals can somehow be combined (i.e. my goal of Andrew watching less TV at night and his goal of me on my computer less could mean a couple's goal of less technology after 8:00 pm). We date and write our goals down in a little notebook so that next week when we regroup we can discuss how we think we did. Below I've listed our goals for this week (we started small)

Rhi - To drink a minimum of 2 to 3 full bottles of water per day (to reduce my daily terrible headaches)

Andy - To work out a minimum of three times this week (since we have snazzy new gym memberships)

Couple's Goal - To go out for sushi and see the Hangover 2 on Tuesday with no excuses or reschedules!

What do you think guys? Is this something you think you chicks think you could do with your significant others? Do you think mini resolutions set on a weekly basis are easier to follow than something set long term? I'd love to hear what you think!

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FAQ Friday; MOH Duties and Bridal Showers

The problem, sent via one of my dear readers: "What do you do when you're the maid of honor (for your little sister's wedding, nonetheless) and find out that the shower you are throwing is the only shower the bride and groom get and your little old budget can't support her huge guest list? I am having that issue right now. I wanted to throw my sister and her fiance a co-ed shower in a backyard with games, beer, grilling, etc for our friends. But come to find out no one else is throwing her one, so now it's every immediate family member and friend within driving distance. I can't afford it. Eeek!" Photo via here.

This is tricky now that I think about it. Because anything involving family, money (and not having enough of it) is sort of a touchy subject. Then throw in anything relating to your little sister's wedding and you have a situation you'll most likely want to tread lightly on. That stated, there are surely ways to throw a memorable shower in your sister's honour without breaking the bank and most importantly, while still staying classy and keeping guests happy. Read more below for my take on the situation!

{Suggest a Potluck} A potluck? For a bridal shower? I know what you're thinking, really Rhi how tacky are you. But hold up people! Some of the best parties I've ever been to have been potlucks. Because first and foremost, there is always an abundance of food in endless variations; it's like the best buffet you could ever eat at. And secondly when people are invited to a potluck they always whip up their favourite and most delicious dishes. Which means guaranteed - and free! - yumminess. Plus, if you're shooting for a coed backyard barbecue I really couldn't imagine anything better than a potluck; men could bring the meat, chips, condiments and beer and the girls could bring the salads, desserts, fruit platter and drinks. Send me an invite too please.

{Talk to Your Sister} Communication, as I've reiterated over here many times, is the key to having anything run smoothly. So talk to your sis. I'm not saying to sit her down and tell her there's no way you can afford the bridal shower of her dreams because sometimes the brutal truth really isn't needed. But instead let her know that with a little clever planning you're hoping to make her day really special. Ask her what elements of a bridal shower are most important to her and her fiance so you can make sure your efforts and the little money you do have to contribute is spent on things that she will most appreciate and love. Great games? Killer snacks? A signature drink? Festive decorations? Instead of spreading yourself thin in every single area focus in your efforts on a few different elements to make both guests feel comfortable and your sister and her fiance, happy.

{Ask For Help} Just because you're the Maid of Honour doesn't mean everyone else is exempt from lending a hand. Check in with family members, parents of the bride and groom, the other bridesmaids, kind and generous friends; everyone and anyone who may be able to contribute to making the day a success. When it comes to weddings most people are more than often willing to help out where needed even if means donating a chunk of change or a few hours of their time to organize, cook, grill, set up, entertain or tear down. And remember, regardless of if the shower ends up being a backyard potluck sans flower arrangements, a rocking DJ and a bartender, your sis and soon to be brother in law will appreciate your support and love.

Thoughts, friends?

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Pep-Talk Tuesday {Balancing Work and Play with Your Significant Other}

Someone sent me this little tidbit of a dilemma a few weeks ago and I've been patiently waiting (or rather, she's been patiently waiting) for me to address it. Said reader was hoping I could share my advice on merging my life and my husbands together since she correctly assumed that he works a 9 - 5 and I work a primarily demanding nights and weekends kind of gig. She's interested in hearing how I, and of course how all of you out there, handle the demands of irregular job schedules in a relationship. And I am so glad she asked :) Below are a few of the things I try to do to find balance between work and love.

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{Set Aside Date Nights} One thing Apb and I have tried to do (and I say tried because lately this has been a toughie to uphold) is set aside one day or night a week that is specifically devoted to date night or alone time for the both of us. We then both understand that come every Thursday evening, we've previously arranged to free our schedules of appointments or priorities because this is one night we have specifically set aside for the two of us. And date night doesn't have to mean getting dressed up and going to a fancy restaurant but it might mean turning off our laptops and cell phones and sitting on the couch together to watch our favorite show or a DVR-ed movie with a glass of wine. It's incredible how much this one night a week just being together without external distractions, can make a difference in allowing you to feel connected to your significant other. 

{Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder} Andrew and I spent two years of our engagement and the first four months of our marriage apart. And I don't mean apart like "Yo babe I'll see you this weekend" I mean like "Hey babe I'm over here in a different country, I'll see you in a few months when flights get cheaper" kind of thing. It was a brutal, lonely, frustrating and at times downright crappy time but it most of all made me realize how sure I was that at the end of the tunnel was our metaphorical light for happily ever after. I'm not saying to suck it up if you and your significant other do have irregular work schedules but rather than feel defeated, instead embrace your own individual lives so that when you do find time to do things together, it'll be that much sweeter. I know when I spend a few days away from Apb handling my responsibilities and him managing his, I get really giddy just thinking of how excited I am to spend time with him again; whenever that may be.

{Be The Partner You Want to Be With} Wait a sec Rhi, wha? I know that sounds way too confusing. But let me explain because this little piece of advice is for anyone in a relationship regardless of when and if you or your spouse work at all. Too often people get into a long term relationship or marriage to find that things get a little too comfortable and you no longer find it necessary to do things you may have done in the beginning stages of the relationship. It could be caring less about your physical appearance, forgetting to leave love notes on the counter, texting less "just because I love yous," but essentially sometimes we put in less effort in our relationships while still having the same expectations of our partner. Irregular work schedules are common and at times inevitable, so rather than feel upset over your given circumstances, embracing the love you have for your partner and being the best version of yourself for them is a sure fire way to get the most out of your relationship.

Let's hear it blogettes; your tricks and tips for merging work schedules with your significant other!

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Pep Talk Tuesday {When It's The Right Time to Get Married}

A reader a few weeks ago submitted a rather interesting question to me; "How do you know when it's the right time to get married?" and I was so stumped on an appropriate answer that I later asked Apb if he had an intelligent answer to offer up. I asked him while we were in the car and I remember him making a confused-type look as he stared out at the road in front of us. I believe that much like when you know your wedding dress is 'the one' or a new apartment is 'you' or something else is truly 'meant to be' (new pumps, anyone?) you know you're ready to get married. But then again, getting married is a little bit bigger of a decision than signing a lease. 

In the vows I read to Apb on our wedding day, I told him I knew as soon as we started dating that he'd be the man I'd marry. I can't pinpoint one exact thing that was said or done that made me feel this way but instead it was just a feeling I had that him and I would be good together for the long run (he'll argue he knew I'd be the girl he'd marry when I brought him toasted bagels and cream cheese for breakfast when he used to sleep in and I had early morning classes, ah college. I miss you like whoah). We were young when we got married, well we still are young and could we have waited? Absolutely. There's never a right time to get married in my opinion. But we didn't wait, we are very happy and here's my take on how I knew I was ready. And how you too might be able to determine if you are.

{Filling the Gap} Do you ever hear the saying "You don't need a guy to make you happier, to make you feel complete, to fill in the missing piece of the puzzle"? Because I hate to break it to you blogettes, but if marrying someone is an effort to feel more fulfilled, satisfied or happy with yourself or your life, then it's all for the wrong reasons. Because like we mentioned before, marriage (or any relationship for that matter) is tough work and how rude of an awakening it would be if you got married for the purpose of being happier only to find out this 'till death do us part stuff is tough. Look at your entire life before you, subtract your significant other out of the equation and determine if there are things that need adjusting with your own self and agenda; perhaps going after that new job? Building a new social circle? Finishing that degree? Making the move to a new state? Loosing 5 pounds? When getting married is merely a way to add happiness and love to your life rather than completing it or filling in a gap, I think you're ready.

{Age Is Just a Number} The whole age thing when it comes to marriage sort of boggles my mind. I remember visiting Southern Utah on a recruiting trip the summer before my sophomore year of college. The majority of girls in their senior years were engaged; newly graduated chicks were married and pregnant. I remember feeling so out of my element, so shocked that 20 and 21 year olds were now soon to be wives and moms. Then again when I went home to Canada to study my graduate program in 2009, my fellow classmates were beyond shocked to know that at 24 I was about to get married. I was "so young!" to them and surely had other things I wanted to do before settling down. Similarly, some people always seem so taken aback when they see a bride in her late 30s early 40s. Society has such a cemented vision on the ideal age to get married at. And we all know how I feel about societal expectations; whether or not you want to get married at 18 or 56, the right time is whenever you determine it to be.

{Relationships Aren't All Butterflies} I love my husband, and fall more in love with him everyday. With that being said, I knew going into our marriage that there would be things we would still argue about/not see eye to eye on/have to battle with and the list goes on. Marriage doesn't mean an end to the things that may not be the most pleasurable during a courtship. Meaning you take the good with the bad and if you can get along with your inlaws (a biggie I'm telling ya, because these people will be your new family forever), successfully go on vacations with your significant other, see eye to eye on things like kids, household duties, relationship expectations, finances, name changes, living arrangements and so forth, then marriage may be the next best step for you and your partner should you both want it. And if you don't, and you mutually decide to pull a Brangelina because you don't need a party/ring/piece of paper declaring your love for one another, then that's cool too. Marriage (or throwing a wedding) isn't for everyone.

And because I love photos, here we are. On our 8th vacay together. Also know as our honeymoon.

How did you chicks know you were ready to get married? Or how do you predict you'll know when the time comes?

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Pep Talk Tuesday {Merging Your Finances}

I have a slight disclaimer before I dive into this post. I'm not really the most frugal person and I have rather expensive taste (or as I like to say, I enjoy things that happen to ironically be expensive). I'm not the greatest with saving money and thankfully have a husband who can often talk me out of buying things or making unnecessary purchases should I be about to make an irrational choice. However, regardless of the dollas in my bank account I do have some strong feelings on whether or not married couples should share their finances. Like we've made pretty obvious on this blog, money sucks and it's awkward and sticky and uncomfortable so here we go.

My somewhat traditional husband always told me before we were married that we would be joining forces (aka joining funds) once we were married. Which to him meant me dumping my money and he dumping his into the same lone piggy bank and should either one of us need something, we would both understand that the money would come straight out of said piggy bank. The independent-stubborn (what a combo huh? Apb you are a brave man) woman in me thought husband to be was crazy. There was no way in h e double hockey sticks that this girl would be sharing her money, of all things! with someone who surely had enough of his own. Especially when there always seems to be a shortage of it in my own life. But that sounds mean when I word it that way. So lemme break it down.

{Listen To Your Mom} My mom, and my sweet late Nan, used to always tell me the same thing when it came to cash. "You save this little bit o' money so when you need it it's there. And no one has to know about it so shush!" I used to feel sneaky when they'd slip a twenty into my palm or leave me a bit of cash under the lamp base in my childhood bedroom. Except now I feel so grateful for this itty bitty piece of advice or rather this lesson in money because heaven forbid husband suddenly didn't exist where would I be and who would I then need to depend on for financial support? This is all sort of a metaphor for a point I am trying to make which is having your own money, whether it be a couple hundred or thousands, is beneficial for you and you only. And is crucial to helping you maintain a sense of independence, importance, self worth and happiness. Nan, Mom you ladies were both right. So very very right.

{This is 2011} And this is totally my crazy thinking but I like to think these days that men and women share responsibilities in a household and a relationship so why should finances (when applicable and where possible, not always do both parties work or rather, make equal salaries/money) be any different? Meaning if chores in your home are divided up why not divvy up bill payments? Or grocery bills? Or those nights out for dinner and a movie? Or even better, one person can handle the finances and another can make sure the house is clean, the meals are ready, the laundry done, etc. Sometimes we look at things in our home like husband buys the next home item purchase like the new dining room table and I'll buy the next dinner out. The dining room table surely cost more than the dinner night out, but it's not about keeping track dollar for dollar. It's about contributing as best you can and realizing that one day the tables may be turned and you may be the one making the bigger purchase. That right there friends is called a thriving relationship.

{Sharing is Caring} Or in most cases necessary to a strong relationship. Which is why I highly suggest that every relationship have at least three account: his, hers and a joint. Without telling you what should be done because I'm not saying my way is the only way to do things, here's what should go in each: in his, his money obviously, in hers, her money of course and in the joint, a sum that is TBD by the couple. Perhaps x amount of each paycheck go into the account. Perhaps the account stays stagnant except for once a month both parties deposit a determined amount into the account. Joint account can be used for things like vacations together, home repairs, groceries, gifts for family holidays, gas and so forth. The reason for the separation? I know that if I were to swipe a new shoe purchase using a card from the joint account, I'd feel sleazy and like I was being unfair to husband. Likewise if he were to use money from the joint account for a day out of beers and golfing with the guys, I'd be a little disappointed. Which is why personal accounts are a benefit. 

Thoughts? Are you for splitting up accounts or do you only use one shared account between you and your significant other?

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Pep Talk Tuesday {Wedding Day Skin Care 101}

If I'm like every other woman out there wanting to look and feel her best, I know I spent weeks if not months, praying and hoping that I wouldn't wake up on my wedding day with a crazy breakout on my face. I have fairly sensitive skin, have tried dozens of products and am prone to painful breakouts on my chin so I was sending up big prayers to the big house for a clear complexion that day. While prayers seemed to be the only thing I was relying on in the skin care department, hopefully you brides-to-be can benefit a little bit from these helpful tips a sweet reader recently sent me. Christina got hitched just a week before yours truly last September and here's her tried and true honest to goodness advice for looking your bridal best. Take it away, Christina and have a fabulous Tuesday, blogettes!

{To Get or Not to Get Facials} Try to schedule a few appointments to get facials done in the months leading up to your wedding. Facials are wonderfully relaxing, except for the extractions. The extractions were not as awful as I expected, not fun by any means but worth it! My skin never felt or looked better when my wedding day arrived. I scheduled my facials for after my work day so I didn't have to worry about not wearing make up for the rest of the evening. My (sensitive) skin was fine by the next morning. Be sure to research a reputable esthetician for your facials, too. Also, here is a link to the different types of facials available for you to pick from.

{Figure out a Regular Skincare Routine} From time to time, my skin decides to freak out and if you are stressed out in the weeks leading up to you big day, then there's just no telling what your skin will do. Since getting married, I am only going to get facials two to three times a year. In between appointments, I do however use my Clarisonic with Neutrogena's new Naturals face wash semi-weekly. This especially helps during the winter months when I need some new life breathed into my skin. For my daily routine, I use the Naturals face wash morning and night. I use one of Aveeno's daily moisturizers with an SPF 15-30 in the morning and Philosophy's Hope in a Jar and Bioelements eye cream (more for preventative reasons) at night. Here's an Aveeno product with SPF that's great.

{The Brows} Make sure your eyebrows aren't too thin! More often than not when women get their eyebrows waxed, the esthetician will overwax/overpluck leaving you with thin pathetic excuses for eyebrows. As a result you look years beyond your real age. For a national resource, check out your local Nordstrom to schedule an appointment at the Anastasia counter. Oh and if your face tends to get shiny as the day wears on, I highly recommend Make Up Forever's High Definition Microfinish Powder. This product does wonders!

Above photos of Christina on her wedding day by Amanda Wilcher. Gotta be a little jealous of her creamy complexion, right?

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Pep Talk Tuesday {When Money Falls Through}

Happy Tuesday blogettes! I have a little treat for you today. Last week when I made my call for help, a reader of mine (an incredibly sweet reader of mine), sent me this little dilemma and it was too good not to share with you guys. Here's the little rut she's in:

"The backstory: we got engaged, a few weeks later my mom tells me she has saved x amount of dollars aside for my wedding. I've been on my own since 18. Paid for anything and everything for myself since then. We were definitely not expecting this gesture and were so thrilled! So I began planning with my x amount budget. Now, 2 months before the wedding, my mom lost her job. And as it turns out, the dollar amount that I was told was mine is not actually tangibly there. It was just what my mom thought she could give over the next 6 months. I am so torn. The money is not there and I am not prepared to front it all myself. I want to be a little angry, but then I feel like a spoiled brat. I'm sure other brides have had this problem. Money is always such a touchy subject, I mean I know what I would have done differently now. Asked more clarifying questions, ask for money upfront perhaps. I don't know, thoughts?"

You know what the crappiest part of wedding planning is? It's money. And I've said it before and I'll say it again but unless you have a money tree growing in your backyard, it's easy to let your budget, and the amount of money you can actually afford to spend, dictate what you can and can't have for your wedding. Wrap that up with the things you want (but may not necessarily be important) and throw in the saturated market of blogs, shows and magazines telling you what's pretty and trendy, and wedding planning can absolutely make you want to feel like a spoiled little brat, who is a little angry. And that's OK. Let it all out, be a little angry. But then you hafta move on.

Financially, if there are things you have paid hefty deposits on like a DJ, caterer or photographer, that you really can't or would regret backing out on, then those vendors should take precedence over other vendors like say a videographer, a baker, a florist or some other area that you could skimp on or make do without. Square away those payments, if possible, and if not talk with your vendors to see what can be done. Perhaps your contract can be revised, if the vendor is a friend maybe they'll be willing to offer their service as a gift or create a payment plan that you can manage post-wedding. Avoid using credit, do a lot of soul-searching and make what needs to happen, work. It might get messy and uncomfortable and require some clever maneuvering on your part but if having the wedding go on is important to you then the show must go on (regardless of your decision here, the good news is your marriage will still go on).

Emotionally, I would (and did admittedly) feel like a huge brat when I couldn't front half the junk I wanted to for our big day (I am still whining and struggling over our videographer fiasco, but more on that later). We seem to think we are entitled to our specific wants and desires so when we're not given them, we feel like we've been given the short end of the stick. It's like a "How dare you! This is my wedding day we're talking about," kind of feeling. We feel hurt and blindsided. Like the carpet's been pulled from underneath us. Wedding pros and mags throw out industry standard numbers on what's appropriate for a wedding and everything that makes em happen and we feel panicked when our own numbers don't measure up. And blogs! Wedding blogs. My own blog. Imagine walking into Coach trying to buy a bag with 20 bucks? That's how wedding planning felt to me. Talk about knocking the wind out of your sails.

Two months before the wedding, for your Mom to lose her job when she told you she would be contributing x amount of money; that sucks. But, and here's the big but, you and your fiance will make it work. You and your family will come together and persevere through these final eight weeks to make your wedding day happen. It might not be exactly what you had envisioned in your mind but it's still going to be magical, meaningful and essentially everything a wedding day is really supposed to be. Spend money on things that you care about, don't be afraid to say "no" and be OK with the decision to not have _____ {insert wedding item of choice here} at your wedding. I promise guests will be OK with an iPod belting out music during the reception. And even more comforting should be the fact that, guests won't mind if you're not the DIY goddess every bride and groom seem to be these days. But probably the best advice I can give you is to remember how priceless this experience will be for you and your fiance as you start the rest of your lives together.

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Now one important thing that I wanted to add to avoid getting in the above predicament is to be more prepared on the whole money subject from the get-go (and this is one thing the bride-to-be above and I discussed initially after I wrote this post). Sitting down with your parents, your fiances parents or whoever else may be contributing financially to the big day is something that should be done during the beginning stages of your planning process so boundaries and expectations can be set and let downs and surprises can be avoided. If x amount of money is to be given or offered for you to use, hashing out how and when that money will be provided gives you a foundation to make better calculated choices (cash, cheque, money order, direct deposit, paid directly to vendors, all up front, in chunks as needed, the month of the wedding, etc). Keeping the lines of communication open with whoever may be assisting or contributing towards the bill part of the wedding will keep your expectations and happiness in check leading up to and on the big day. 

Alright chicks, let's hear it. Help a girl out!

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The Expert Files {The Nitty Gritty on Wedding Invitations}

Paper, paper oh sweet sweet paper. Kind of like I have a sweet spot for full bloomed flowers, and delicate cakes, I have an equal admiration for pretty paper. Kraft paper, embossed pieces, the paper from the heavens above (also known as letterpress) I really adore it all. So for today's instalment of the Expert Files it only seemed fitting that I asked Sarah from Truly Smitten to share a little insight with all of you about everything invitations for your big day. Truly Smitten, which launched in 2007 is an all around graphic design studio that offers branding and identity design, interactive (web/blog) and print design as well as creative consultation process. But here's the best part, they carry a special torch for custom letterpressed wedding and social stationary as well as other refined paper goods and above all, have a deep love for simple and elegant designs with great typography. Sign me up please and thank you. Read on friends!

{Is it true that the invitation sets the tone for the wedding?} Very true! The invitations is essentially the very first thing the guests will get to have a peek at of what your wedding will be like. Visual presentation has a profound impression and the more unique, beautiful your invitations are, it will probably be leaving the guests itching to find out more about how your wedding will be put together. Invitations and paper goods can help your bridal branding, themes, colors and designs can be carried throughout your wedding consistently and tie it all together nicely.

{What are all the different printing options available? Letterpress, offset, embossed, diecutting; help!} I get asked this a lot and I can understand how it can be a bit confusing. But out of all of these printing methods, letterpress is hands down the most sought after and everyone knows what letterpress is; so that's an easy one :) Letterpress is a relief based printing of text and image where either movable type or a plate is n a raised surface, then inked and pressed onto paper. So the text and image indents into the paper creating a pressing" look. Because this printing involves doing things by hand that has that unique artwork feel to them - truly gorgeous. Offset printing is what is referred to as "flat" printing and is a very commonly used printing technique. This is where the inked image is transferred or "offset" from plate to a rubber blanket then to the printing surface. There are no indentations or raised lettering, it's just printed on a completely flat surface and usually used for mass printing. Embossing represents pushing the image up above the paper surface level and Debossing is pushing the image below the surface level of the paper and both are really neat effects. And Die Cutting is a process of using metal-edged blade die or laser to cut custom shapes from printed sheets to wood, or other-materials.

{How can couples infuse unique details into their invitations without being too cheesy?} First and foremost, of the couples wants to be equally involved in the wedding invitation process, they have to agree on which details they want to have on it and what not to include. I'm working with a couple right now that is going through this and they can't agree with each other. If the bride-to-be is more detail orientated and wants to include an image she wants to use, then perhaps they can compromise by having the groom-to-be choose the color he may want included. There are many details that can be incorporated without being cheesy. You can do things from their initials fused into one design that can look very modern or vintage, or one element of the invite can be more the "bride" and an other element be more "groom."

{Name your fave font, colour palette and design style?} My style tends to gravitate towards clean, simplistic with understated elegance with a classic feel to it. I do like spaces, clean lines and clean combinations of typography. I have so many favourite fonts/types but my top faves are engravers, gotham, archer, mrs eaves, bodoni classic and burgues script. As for colour palette, I'm a huge fan of yellows and grays. I think it's because those were my wedding colours! I'm really liking deep plum/fig colors with blues, orange and turquoise.

{What are ways that couples can make other pieces of their invitation really stand out? Envelopes, liners, bellybands, etc} I'm a firm believer of "less is more" - at least in terms of the design. If the design of the invitation is loud and very eye-catching, I would choose more muted envelopes with muted but patterned liners and go with a classic hand calligraphy on the envelopes. If the design of the invite is more subtle and classic, I'd probably embellish more on all the extras; go with a bold envelope, even a die cut bellyband edging, wax seals/stamps, and even put it in a box mailer - make it look like a mini gift!

{What are some ways couples can still have beautiful invitations without breaking the bank?} Just because it's not printed using a fancy method doesn't mean your invite won't be beautiful. It all boils down to good design. Hire a designer/stationer that you know you can trust and that he or she has the same aesthetic as you. It may be a challenge for a designer/stationer who's only used to designing a certain style and you ask the designer to create something completely the opposite. So find someone who's work speaks out to you in more ways than just one. Also, it really helps when a client and stationer/designer share great chemistry and are on the same page.

Check out some of Truly Smitten's stunning work:

Truly Smitten {The Blog}

Truly Smitten {On Etsy}

Truly Smitten {The Studio}

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Pep Talk Tuesday {The Role of a Wife}

"Being married is hard work isn't it?" I get asked this a lot and it never ceases to amaze me how taken aback I am by such a statement. A lovely twitter user today sent me a tweet about what the hardest part about being a wife is and for her it's the expectation of women trying to fit into some traditional role of wife. She told me she wasn't aware that some people think it's a role to be played and for me she hit the nail on the head. Societal expectations of what it means for us chicks to become a 'wife' has me feeling a little fired up.

In the months leading up to our wedding I was really looking forward to graciously accepting this new wife role. I was eager to throw on a pretty apron and get into the kitchen using only the finest of Bed, Bath and Beyond products, stopping at nothing to please my hard working husband like we're we something straight from the set of a 1980's sitcom. It was the ring on my finger, the commitment my husband would be making to me, the perks of being married; these things which all signified that I was worthy enough to be given such a role and so as not to take advantage of such a privilege I wold need to do my very best to oblige by these set standards.

I was raised by parents who placed a lot of emphasis on love, respect, individuality, hard work, sacrifice, success and happiness. Never was I sat down either at home or in a place of worship to be told that being a wife meant you had duties and responsibilities you were expected to adhere to. Any connotation of the wife role that I have, were personally shaped and created strictly out of the things I have witnessed, read, seen or heard rather than what I have been taught. And for me being a wife, means being an important half to the team that Andrew and I have become. We are first and foremost a team, meaning we work together to bring out the best in one another and we work together to create a happy, fulfilling and prosperous life for ourselves as professional individuals and ourselves together as friends, lovers and partners. We love one another equally, so we do what we can to live and support one another the exact same way.

Husband comes home from work many times, and I look up from my computer only to find myself saying sorry a bazillion times because, I haven't fixed dinner, I forgot to make the bed and me? Well I myself look like a hot mess because I've been staring at my inbox since 9:00 am. On nights when I'm frivolously typing away trying to play catch up at my desk and my husband is pushing the vacuum around my work station, I cringe a little bit because I think I've failed at my role. And he's working overtime to fill in the holes.

But you know what, being married really is hard work. I'm only seven months deep into this new relationship status and I know things can be hard or messy or tough or confrontational. We're trying to figure out where we're going to live next, if we can afford a new couch and if we'll ever decide we want to have kids. At worst, we fight, we cry, we disagree. But last time I checked, I remember those five years I spent as my husbands friend, girlfriend, and fiance before becoming his wife were also really hard. And the same things that are hard now during my journey as a wife, were just as tough when I was a girlfriend or a fiance or even, gasp, when I was single (i.e. my studies, my health, my finances, my relationships, my image of myself, and so forth. Remember high school? Just finding an acceptable outfit everyday was hard work). Being a wife doesn't define my existence or my purpose in life so naturally there are other things I encounter in my life that are "hard work". Deciding whose role it is to cook dinner and kill the spiders shouldn't be a toughie.

What's your definition of the whole wife role issue?

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FAQ Friday; Kids and Weddings

The Question: How do I handle the issue of kids as guests or making sure kids don't show up on our big day?

Oh snap, son! This post was a doozie for me to write (and let me tell you I've been anxiously waiting for let's say oh, months, to finally use the word 'doozie' in the appropriate context and I'm not sure if this occasion is acceptable but whatevs). The whole guest list issue I addressed on Tuesday - with the most fabulous comments ever so go read this if you haven't already, I adore you guys - allowed me to think up the topic for today's post which is all about having kids at your wedding. While I could write far too much about said topic, I split the content down into two sections to make it easier for you; Kids and Weddings for the Bride and Kids and Weddings for the Guest. Yeah! Read on blogettes and take note. Photo above, adorable flower girl not included, by Orchard Grove Photography.

Kids and Weddings for the Bride

{It's Black or White} people. Meaning pick if you want kids at the wedding (or in the wedding) or if you don't want kids at the wedding. For example, perhaps you have an adorable little chicky poo in mind as a suitable flower girl candidate aka your childhood friend's little girl. But when it comes to your sister's kids, your neighbors' teenage son, or your boss's brood of four you really want to avoid having to invite them (or have them show up uninvited) to the wedding. Here's the good news; you can do all that. Have your flower girl, consider giving your sister a free pass to bring her kiddos since she is after all your sister, and make it clear to all others, definitely on the invitation and verbally if necessary, that sorry sir but no kids allowed. Here's the bad news though. You will look like a total hypocrite if you invite select kids but don't allow others. And you're walking a fine line between doing what you want and being rude slash hurting feelings. Tread lightly. No one wants to see a humiliated girl in a pretty white dress. Nobody I tell ya.

{Make It Work} If you do end up having kids as guests, prepare accordingly. Depending on your planner or coordinator (if you have one) and how rad she is, she may bring snacks, games, activities and so forth to keep the kids busy and out of your hair during the reception (and ceremony if said kids are spectators and not part of the wedding party). If it's in the budget, look into hiring some sort of separate entertainment for the kids like a babysitter, a clown, a fairy princess, or some sort of person who can make sure the kids don't get bored, restless, or out of hand on their own. Check with our venue to see if there's a room this can be done in, preferably close to the main event so parents are within a close enough distance should a problemo arise. Ask the caterer for for options kids will eat and get some juice boxes. Lot's of juice boxes. Or sparkling pop for the older kids for the champagne toast. Moving on.

Kids and Weddings for the Guest

{Don't Be Stupid} Grr. You know what fires me up? When peeps, like grown ups, don't follow le directions (yeah, I threw in a petite amount of French there). Just like we can assume that the sky is going to be blue tomorrow morning, if an invitation says to Mr and Mrs Joe Schmoe, that does not mean Mr and Mrs Joe Schmoe and Sally, Suzy and Sam. We should assume (rather, we should know) that kids probably aren't invited to this wedding since their names are not specifically address on the invite. Similarly, If you, your significant other and your son are addressed and invited to attend a wedding as guests, that does not mean your son's girlfriend is granted a free ride to the party. Pour quoi? Well let's see. Weddings aren't a throw together high school bash but instead the result of months and sometimes years of planning and need I point out the obvious, they cost lots of mulla. The bride and groom may have loved having your son and his fling there, and hey maybe would have loved to have your son there too but he wasn't invited. True be told perhaps money was tight, or the guest list was already over capacity and the groom had to invite his step sister's husband. Whatever the reason, respect the bride and groom's wishes and don't try to smuggle in your kids like it's no biggie. Once they get there, they are guests and will need somewhere to sit and something to eat. And people. will. notice. Remember being a guest at a wedding is not a right but instead a privilege. Would it be rude to include that thought on your invites? 

{Be Respectful} Ah ha! There is always another side to my little discussions. Here's the scene; you, as a 20 year old single mother are invited to your college roommates wedding. You have a six year old son who Grandma and Grandpa retiring in Florida, can't possibly babysit and really you don't see any other alternative to the situation. What to do? Call.the.bride. Like pick up the tele and explain your situation and ask her if there are any exceptions she'd be willing to make for you. Some people don't want kids at their wedding because kids can be sticky, and disruptive, and loud and yata yata (I work with kids, I love em but what I just said is true). However, and this is a big however, most brides don't want kids at their wedding simply because they said so. They're the bride, that's what they want, and there doesn't have to be a reason. If I had of had a guest phone me, express the same situation from above and kindly ask me if I'd be willing to change my kids-free wedding dreams for them, then I most likely would have because a phone call to ask instead of just doing, is a form of respect and at the end of the day, I'm a nice person.  Whatever the issue do it with class and dignity and if all else falls, I'm sure Grandpa from Florida would love to spend the weekend with little Bobby.

Alright. Lay it on my friends. I know some of you have to get some things off your chest :)

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The Expert Files {How to Pick Your Wedding Cake}

Happy Wednesday blogettes! Hope you're sitting down to read this addition to the Expert Files on an empty stomach. Because I've got everything you need to know right here about cake, cake and more downright yummy delicious cake from super talented baker and cake artist Erica O'Brien. From what to expect from a cake artist to the common misconceptions about wedding cakes I think Erica has done a fabulous job of covering all the basics for you brides-to-be who may be stuck in sugar-induced state of confusion. Now if only I could sink my teeth into her delectable cakes. Scroll on to catch all the goodies. And I'll be off over here drooling on my key board.

{What are the most important things clients need to know when selecting their wedding cake?} Make sure you prioritize. If you're a foodie and cake is very important to you, know that you will likely pay more for a cake from an artisan who makes everything from scratch than you would at a typical bakery. Wedding cakes can and should be delicious, but like many things, you get what you pay for. When it comes to design, select a baker whose style works for you. You wouldn't commission a modern, abstract artist like Picasso to create a painting in the style of Monet. The same is true for cake design. Look at the designer's portfolio to be sure his or her style meshes with your own. If not, you should probably move on. 

Also, always request a tasting, and expect to schedule one several weeks in advance. Cake designers are busy people, particularly on weekends. The best days for a tasting are earlier in the week - Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday - before the weekend rush when the designer has a lot of time to sit down and chat with you. Be on time for your tasting. Appointments are usually schedule back-to-back, and you don't want to cut into your allotted time by showing up late. Bring some designs ideas to the table. They need not be other cakes that you like, although that helps give the cake artist a feel for your style. A good designer can use anything for inspiration: your wedding invitation, the print on a swatch of fabric, your grandmother's lace doily; anything.

{What are some common misconceptions you find people have about wedding cake?} One common misconception is that wedding cakes don't taste good. Your cake should be as delicious as the best dessert in the finest restaurant. Here's the problem: many bakeries - but not all and certainly not ours - use shortening instead of butter. Shortening is a lot cheaper and has a higher melting point, so the heat of your hand won't melt if you are piping a design, but neither will the heat of your mouth. If you've ever eaten a bakery product that gives you that greasy film on the roof of your mouth that you just want to scrape it off, it's not butter and that's usually a sign that the product has been made with shortening. Real butter has a lower melting point and is therefore melt-in-your-mouth delicious. We make all our cake with real butter and we make a French butter cream to fill them, so they're absolutely scrumptious.

{Name three big wedding cake faux pas} One Asking a family member or friend to make the cake. Wedding cakes are best left to professionals for many reasons. To decrease the chances of food-borne illness, you want a cake that's been baked by someone properly trained in food handling in a commercial kitchen approved by your local Health Department. Also, transporting and assembling wedding cakes is tricky business and it helps to have someone experiences. Lastly, you'll have enough stress - and so will your sister, your mother and your best friend - on your wedding day. Don't add more by having one of them bake your wedding day cake. Two Setting expectations too high. The best way to avoid disappointment is to be realistic about your budget and what kind of cake your money can buy you. Check prices in your local area before you get your heart set on a cake you can't afford. Three Assuming guests won't eat the cake. Although this might be true for some cakes, we find that even those who usually pass up the wedding cake can't resist our cakes' buttery goodness. You wouldn't have a dinner party for eight guests and only prepare food for six. Don't invite 100 guests and order a cake for 80, or you could end up with 20 upset (and hungry!) people at your wedding.

{What is your favourite design, colour palette, and style of cake? Do you have a design speciality?} My style is recognized for its clean lines and edible interpretations or graphic designs. I take a lot of cues from fabric, stationary and other art forms. I've pioneered several techniques, such as my ruffle cake, fondant "fabric" flower and painted appliques that define my style. I love cakes that offer a modern viewpoint while still maintaining the integrity of the traditional wedding cake.

{What is the difference between buttercream and fondant?} Buttercream is essentially eggs, butter and sugar and is spread on with an icing spatula. It is silky and creamy and compliments almost any cake well. Fondant was originally used to covered fruitcakes in England for shipment to the new world. A sugar paste made with powdered sugar, glucose, glycerine, and gelatin, it is rolled out like a dough and placed on the cake. Fondant firms up when exposed to air and forms a seal around the cake, keeping it fresher than buttercream would. A lot of people say that fondant doesn't taste good but I don't actually mind the taste. What I object to is the gummy texture of the fondant against the crumb of the cake. It is however impossible to get buttercream to look as smooth and pristine as fondant, so it's usually worth the trade off.

{Are there any helpful hints brides can benefit from if they are looking to save a bit of money?} Faux cakes which are Styrofoam dummies covered to look like real cakes, can be an economical option and no one will know the difference! Designers can decorate faux cakes in advance since no one will eat it (and fondant isn't perishable), saving them precious time. Clients who get a sheet cake (intended only to be served not seen) save them the time-consuming process of filling and icing smooth a real cake, and save themselves money in return. Think about your venue and where the cake will be displayed too. If the cake table will be against a wall, you might consider a design down the front of the cake only, since no one will see the back. The fewer details, the less time the designer spends on your cake, and the more you save.

{Explain a bit about the process of making a wedding cake} Oh the process! Here's just a glimpse of what you're paying for when you commission a wedding cake: the designer's experience and expertise, the cost of ingredients, labor t o set up and clean up, torte, fill, ice and smooth your cake - and that's all exclusive of design! Cakes can take upwards of ten to forty hours to decorate. Some sugar flowers must be handcrafted petal by petal. One rose can take even an experienced artisan an hour to create so a cascade of gumpaste roses might take 60 hours to make. Also, we always provide a sketch of the cakes (a necessary but time consuming step) so we can ensure that we are creating the exact cake the client is ensuring. Finally, think about how much you would pay an artist to create an original painting for you. When you purchase a custom cake, you are commissioning an edible piece of art.

{What is the most memorable cake you have ever created and why?} I'd have to say my wedding cake just because it was so close to my heart. I tried not to obsess too much about the design. I just sat down with my coloured pencils and let the design flow naturally. It wasn't my favourite design, then or now, but I felt like it represented the bright, fun, happy feel of my wedding. We had three cake flavor pairings: vanilla bean cake with blackberry buttercream, chocolate chip cake with vanilla bean buttercream, and chocolate cake with chocolate hazelnut ganache. Many of our guests said it was the best cake they'd ever had.

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Lavender cake: Lane Dittoe / Pink and gray cake: Henry Chen / Blue floral cake: Jessica Claire / Gray and beige, and blue and red cake: Ashley Johnson Photography / Yellow and gray cake: Ja Tecson / Cherry blossom sketch and cake: Courtesy Erica O'Brien Cake Designs / Four tier floral cake: Courtesy Erica O'Brien Cake Designs

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Pep Talk Tuesday {The Guest List}

Gah! The guest list. I just gagged a little thinking of the guest list. Because making a guest list for a wedding is like the equivalent of throwing a party in high school when your parents go out of town; you know you won't have enough beer for everyone but if you invite Suzy and Sarah, then Tom, Dick and Harry have to come too. And if your uber sensitive bff isn't allowed to bring her on again off again boyfriend then you know the you-know-what is gunna hit the fan. So what's a girl to do when all she wants to do is throw a really rad party with all the right people and no hurt feelings? I say it's your day, do it your way. Isn't that a fast food chain slogan? Whatever I'm going with it. Oy! I present to you my personal thoughts on how to tackle the tedious task of building your guest list. (And remember you can always opt to completely skip the guest list a la this couple who were married in front of only an officiant and their photog, the fabulous Kate Webber. Seriously clever and incredibly romantic; I'm a fan). Happy Tuesday blogettes!

{Create a Preliminary Draft} Do this first. For example, once that sparkly is put on your finger, pool together the people you want at the wedding along with the people your fiance wants at the wedding. Remember to include family, from both sides, coworkers, neighbors, friends from extra curricular activities and anyone that if you were talking to them about your wedding before or afterwards you would feel shamed that you had not extended an invite to them. Allot each guest a plus one regardless of if they are single or in a serious relationship and even if you or your fiance don't personally know who the plus one will be. And then add up your numbers. Subtract guests you absolutely know will not come (like Great Aunt Hilda who lives over Ireland) and use your remaining total number for things like guiding your selection process for a venue. An increasing amount of venues require you to meet a minimum or stay under a maximum in order to have your wedding at their facility. A 300 person guest list would have never worked at our venue which had a cap at 90 guests. But we knew we wouldn't run into this problem ahead of time because we created a preliminary draft of our list. 

{Build Your Team} Yeah yeah, I just referred to your wedding guests as your teammates. But they do sort of serve as your team for the day. So get on your team captain face and make cuts as needed. This alone sounds pretty harsh but unless you have an orchard of plentiful cash tress in your backyard, more guests mean more cash and if those said guests are people you can do without then don't think twice about not inviting them. One of my brides was torn on the whole guest list thing because her Mom wanted to invite a bunch of her own friends to the wedding which as a result would bring the guest list up; so instead Mom is throwing an engagement party in her daughter's honour so she can celebrate the milestone with her own friends on a day separate from the wedding. This could very well just be my crazy thinking too, but it seems as if weddings these days are becoming increasingly smaller and more personal; people are cutting out guests who don't matter and as a result are saving money and stress. Even better, your preliminary guest list draft, which is a rough estimate of guests, will help you create your budget (or your budget will help you create your guest list). Cool.

{When to Make a Cut} Again these thoughts are completely my own and not the professional or only way to do things but here's what we did when we ran into road blocks; if we were stumped on whether or not to invite someone merely because we were invited to their wedding, then we went ahead and did so. In 99% of these situations their RSVPs were a no but at least we were being courteous by extending the invite to them. If we weren't sure if someone should be invited because we a) didn't really ever see them or b) had in recent months/years drifted apart we used the rationale I address above. If we were to run into said person months after the wedding and the topic came up, would we feel remorseful about not inviting them or would we be able to freely reminiscence with them about our day without feeling like total jerks. In most cases we were able to live with and happily move on from our choice to not invite specific guests and as a result cut out a huge chunk out of our guest list.

{The Whole Plus One Issue} Hands down the plus one issue was one of the toughest issues we faced during our wedding planning process. All those plus ones can really throw off your almost finalized guest list and leave you scrambling to find extra room both in your venue's spatial capacity and your dwindling budget. For example if you have a guest list of 100 people with equal parts parties of two (like married couples) and single guests with a plus one, how can you possibly predict who will actually end up bringing someone and when your venue has a strict maximum capacity how do you make it all work together? In our situation here's one thing we did with plus ones: I have a very tight knit group of girlfriends who are for the most part all single. I checked with them ahead of time to see if they were all content with the idea of attending our wedding solo with the expectation that they would all be seated together thus creating a fun, enjoyable and comfortable environment (much like how it is when we get together for our annual reunions and dinner dates). I couldn't have imagined them all sitting at different tables around the room with dates who were unfamiliar with one another and I dreaded running into an issue where some friends brought dates and others didn't (the whole third and fifth wheel thing is never any fun). I remember how much fun they all had too, goofing off with one another and completely being themselves all evening and for that, I am happy with my decision. While this isn't the choice everyone would have made, that choice alone took a potential guest chunk down from 25+ to 12 people, a major win for us. A general rule however is that if the guest in question is in a serious relationship, is engaged, married, living with or in a common law relationship, the invitation gets extended to their partner. The partner may decline but it's considered good etiquette to invite them too

What problems did you or are you running into with creating your guest list?

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